13 12 / 2011
The Blob
When I stop and sit down, finally,
I become The Blob
And I fall asleep
And the air snorts out of my mouth
And I wake up for a minute.
I’m sure at that moment I look like a dero.
An amorphous Blob - like Daryl Zero,
As he sprawls on his bed,
Solving mysteries.
27 10 / 2011
The Bali Pot Teen
The Bali Pot Teen
Caught in Bali - have you seen?
Smoke weed in Bali? I daren’t.
But the Bali Pot Teen
Gives me pains in my spleen.
For I wonder: WHERE’S HIS FUCKEN PARENTS?
08 10 / 2011
Lamington fingers.
It fingers the cake.
Lamington lingers inside.
At this point, it seems,
I’ll put dignity at stake -
And speak of the jam. And the cream.
28 9 / 2011
Poem about the Used Maccas Dinger
I am going to write a poem
About the kid in WA
Who chewed on a used dinger
She found in a Maccas playground.
Fucken devastating.
DEVASTATING.
Quarter Pounders taste like rubber
But a used dinger?
Devastating.
02 9 / 2011
Mad Max 2 in Poetical Form
Shotgun in leather pants
Bloke who doesn’t talk much
Crazy skinny guy in leggings
Flying a gyrocopter
Screaming mohawk guy with arsecheek pants
Feral kid with glorious mullet
Everyone dirty, bloody, smelly
Except for the chicks who are clean
Lots of things exploding
Humongous guy with metal ski mask-
All this for petrol.
28 8 / 2011
A really stupid terrible joke but it’s so funny
Here I go: I must share this joke. It is really stupid and OH SO funny. If you don’t like it, please unfollow me at once. This joke is the only one I can ever remember. You know why? Yep. You guessed it. Because it’s SO FUCKEN FUNNY. Whenever I repeat it I end up getting all hysterical towards the end and people can never hear the punchline. Ready?
Are you sure?
Wotevs. Here I go:
Once there was this boy and his mum and dad were having a shower together. The boy pointed at his dad’s dick and said, “Dad, what’s that?”
“Oh, that’s my sausage and meatballs,” said Dad.
The boy said, “OK, Dad.” And then he pointed towards his mum’s genital region and asked, “But Dad, what’s that?”
“Well,” said Dad, “that’s where I hit your mum with an axe.”
“What?” said the boy, incredulously. “You hit her in the cunt?”
